She's out of your league

She's out of your league

Challenge Accepted or Self Sabotage?

Fellas, have you ever thought to yourself or been told “she’s out of your league”? What does that even mean? And is it really such a bad thing? Let’s break this down and determine whether it is a legitimate notion, or a negative mindset that should no longer apply to the dating man.

Let opinions be opinions.

Let me first state that the opinions stated in this article are just that...my opinion. These thoughts are just my attempt to explain why men (and women) talk themselves out of pursuing someone they may be interested in. If you agree or at least understand; then great! If you disagree or have a different perspective...well, that’s you're right and I respect it. And if by chance you feel so offended by something I say, then by all means...’Come at me, Bro!’ (It’s not like I'm going to respond or give it any energy, but feel free to waste yours.)

What does the phrase "she/he is out of your league" even mean?

It generally means the someone is either too hot, too smart or too successful for you and you basically have no chance (because you're’ too "basic".) Now, let’s all be honest with ourselves and admit that in some cases there is some truth to that. But like I mentioned earlier, why is that such a bad thing? We all strive to be the best versions of ourselves, and pursing someone who matches that ideal version is a part of that. Whether we are successful or not in making that connection shouldn’t discourage us for pursuing what we want out of life. It’s like going for a job promotion. If you apply and unfortunately don’t get the position, that doesn’t mean that you can NEVER achieve that goal and you should settle for something less fulfilling. It just means that you may have some more work to do on/for yourself; or you need to look elsewhere to accomplish said goal.

What we tell ourselves can empower or disempower us.

The problem is that when we use that phrase, we lower our self-esteem and begin the feel ‘less-than’. “She’s too hot” means I’m not attractive enough. “She’s too smart” says that I’m not smart enough, etc... These are negative, unhealthy notions and we begin to put ourselves down. But I would argue that there is a different, healthier way to look at and approach these feeling.

There's no need to feel defeated.

Instead of feeling defeated and giving up before you even try to make a connection; you should embrace the challenge. Besides, nothing worth having was ever gained without hard work or struggle. Personally, I love a challenge. In my days of dating, I found myself pursing those who required a little more work to be with, as opposed to those who were ‘easy’ or ‘fell in my lap’ (for lack of a better phrase.) Secondly, pursuing someone who you view to be the epitome of your ideal mate helps you learn and grow in the very areas you find so attractive. You begin to understand how this type of person thinks, how they talk, and how they view life; making you better equip to engage with them. And if you're ultimately shutdown or rejected, you are now better equipped to approach the next opportunity...and there WILL be another opportunity. Lastly, pursing someone of a so-called higher caliber says to the world that your personal preference is of a higher standard, which is an attractive quality. You may be unsuccessful in wooing your desired target, but others are watching. Don’t be surprised if someone with those same qualities you desire end up pursuing you.

Work at improving yourself every single day, the rest will follow.

So, the next time that evil little voice in your head says that you're not good enough for someone (or something for that matter), don’t let it discourage you. Be confident and comfortable with who you are, while at the same time, being willing to grow and evolve into the person you want to and should be. Embrace and enjoy the process, regardless of the outcome. You say, ‘She’s out of my league’?... well, I say, “Challenge Excepted!”

-Michael Pierce "AKA" Mr. Audio Velvet